10 Times Astrology Was So Literal You Couldn’t Even

Don’t get me wrong: astrology is nearly always neatly descriptive of what’s going on, that’s why any of it makes sense! You don’t even have to go that deep into a chart to see a basic feature that describes a lot about its subject. I realize many of you will see these examples and say “Well, duh”. But sometimes, astrology is so literal, you have to stand in awe of it.  Sometimes, it’s so literal, you couldn’t even right now. Here are 10 examples of some distinctive features in charts so appropriate, so literal, that they figuratively smacked me in the face. Literally. I bet you can’t even right now from literally how many times I’m combining “literal” and “can’t even”. Anyway. Take a swig from your PSL and let’s get started with some basic shit. Basic astrology that is.

10) Facebook

FacebookFacebook was founded on February 4th 2004. The Sun was conjunct Neptune in Aquarius. So let’s do a rundown of the Neptune checklist to see if Facebook fits the bill. Addictive? Check. Promotes acting as a collective? Check. Raises issues of personal freedom and privacy? Check. Dissolves lines between real and virtual worlds? Check. Facebook notifications, social media, incessant checking of email, smartphones and addiction to technology in general, are absolutely drugs of a kind, and they all came about in a unique way during Neptune’s stay in Aquarius, and was highlighted with the Sun’s conjunction at Facebook’s founding. It was no ordinary Sun-Neptune conjunction during Neptune’s stay in Aquarius, since this particular conjunction was square the Nodes, one day before a full Moon which even more precisely aligned with the Nodes. The experience of being a social human being (Aquarius) was put online and made virtual (Neptune). A virtual world entered the world. Whoa.

9) Wikipedia

WikipediaSpeaking of Neptune in Aquarius…Wikipedia is an amazing resource for any kind of information, but as you know, it’s not always a reliable one. That is because it can be edited by anyone, subject to editing wars, bias, half-truths, unsourced claims, omissions, etc. But the project is remarkable as the world’s first collectively organized encyclopedia. Founder Jimmy Wales describes Wikipedia as “Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge. That’s what we’re doing.” It’s quite an idealistic aim, with a distinctly Aquarian twist. Since Mercury rules the flow of information, writing and editing, we might expect the inceptional chart of Wikipedia to have Mercury interacting with a planet that might distort its message in some way, especially nebulously and under the banner of idealism, say, Neptune. Which is funny, because Wikipedia was launched in San Diego on January 15th, 2001 (time unknown) when Mercury was conjunct Neptune in Aquarius. BOOM.

8) National Rifle Association

NRAThe National Rifle Association is an organization devoted to protecting the right to private gun ownership. It has been the thorn in the side of gun control advocates, hugely influential in elections and a fearsomely powerful lobby in Congress. Since the NRA deals with weapons, we might expect to see something interesting involving Mars in the NRA’s inception. The NRA was founded on November 17th, 1871 in the state of New York (city unknown, Albany used, time unknown). Mars is conjunct Saturn at 7 Capricorn. I mean, whoa. This is no ordinary conjunction, since Capricorn is a sign that Saturn rules AND Mars has its exaltation in! A strong institution (Saturn) that exalts weapons (Mars). Normally we might consider Saturn in conjunction with Mars as keeping it in check, but in this case Saturn serves an exalted Mars rather than limiting it, because of it being in Saturn’s sign of Capricorn.

Another interesting thing to consider: since Mars and Saturn are of opposite sects, depending on whether it was founded during the day or at night might tell us which planet would be more problematic for the organization. Opinions tend to be polarized toward the organization, which might give us a clue about which planet is contrary to sect. Is it concerted opposition to and criticism of the organization (Saturn in Capricorn at night), or is it the organization’s exaltation of guns beyond public safety concerns (Mars in Capricorn during the day)? ::Ignoring the comments section blowing up::

7) Disney

DisneyDisney is one of the most successful entertainment brands ever produced. They are in the business of taking beloved properties: fairy tales, classic stories, and now Marvel properties and Star Wars and spinning them into multi-billion dollar franchises and enterprises in film, TV, music, merchandising and amusement parks. Disney was founded on October 16th 1923 when the Sun was conjunct Saturn in Libra. So, literally, the topics of Libra (art, animation, music, beloved stuff) are being commercialized, corporatized, Saturnized by, well, Saturn. Saturn is in one of its best signs, its exaltation in Libra, so it does this to an amazing degree, and the Sun’s conjunction to it highlights this role in a particular way beyond the mere presence of Saturn in the sign. There is of course the Jupiter-Neptune square as well which puts it in sync with cyclical developments in film and the imaginations, fantasies, dreams of the masses of the more positive and fanciful variety, e.g., “When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true”, “Happiest Place on Earth”, “Where Dreams Come True”. Dayum.

6) Medicare/Medicaid

MedicareMedicare and Medicaid are government programs to provide healthcare for the elderly and the poor. Astrologically, this sounds like something that is trying to counter Saturnian topics like the elderly and poverty. Since the topic is healthcare, the sign of Virgo is likely involved, given its associations with health, medicine and service. President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare/Medicaid into law at 3:09 pm on July 30th 1965 in Independence Missouri. The Moon was in Virgo, having separated from Venus in Virgo and applying directly toward the Uranus-Pluto conjunction in Virgo. So there is a heavy emphasis in Virgo and the whole point of it is to provide healthcare! All of these Virgo placements are opposite Saturn in Pisces. So the planets in Virgo are teaming up to counter Saturn, which would represent the elderly and the poor. Virgo is ruled by Mercury, and one of Mercury’s symbols is the caduceus which the USA has “mistakenly” used to represent the medical field! That’s pretty freaking literal.

5) Burger King

Burger KingI’m not much of a Ceres guy, and there hasn’t been a ton of empirical research done on its transits, and as a community we’ve seemed to rely heavily on the mythology of Ceres. This has led some to suspect it might have something to do with nutrition. I would tend to think of that as being more of a lunar thing, but in any case, I wondered what Ceres might be doing in the inceptional charts of famous restaurants. The first Burger King opened on July 28th 1953. On that day, the Sun was conjunct Ceres in Leo. You know, Leo, the kingly regal sign, with the Sun as its ruler? And the restaurant is called Burger King? I mean, is this a joke? C’mon! That’s pretty weird.

4) Kanye West

kanyewestHe’s one of two people featured on this list, and even without a birth time his chart smacked me right in the face. Kanye West’s ego hardly needs an introduction. He is maybe known first and foremost as that talented rapper and producer who keeps rudely stealing people’s thunder at awards shows. It’s almost expected at this point. In any case, he was born on June 8th 1977 in Atlanta, GA, time unknown. He was born with the Sun conjunct Jupiter in Gemini opposite Neptune in Sagittarius. If that does not describe someone with a massive ego with a helping of delusion, (along with inspiration and imagination), not much else could. As proof, I submit his speech at the 2015 VMA’s on the night of August 30th 2015, when an intoxicated Kanye rambled an announcement that he would run for President in 2020. Just like in his natal chart, the transiting Sun was conjunct Jupiter opposite Neptune. Mind. Blown.

Bonus: He was having a recurrence of his Venus-Mars conjunction as well.

3) Gay Marriage SCOTUS Decision

gay marriageThe Supreme Court of the United States announced its verdict in Obergefell vs Hodges on June 26th 2015, effectively legalizing gay marriage in the US. This was perfectly captured by a stunning Venus-Jupiter conjunction in Leo, with Venus representing love and partnerships and Jupiter representing confirmation, a judicial blessing. The conjunction was even rising at the precise time of the announcement! While there were some who were not happy with the decision at all, (Sun conjunct Mars in its fall, Cancer, as well as Saturn in an inferior square in Scorpio), for many it was a joyous day they would not soon forget, and hundreds of couples got married THAT DAY. If that isn’t people feeling the Venus-Jupiter love, I don’t know what is.

2) The 9/11 Attacks

9-11This one is so literal I literally can’t even even. A lot of people know about this already, but it still deserves a top place on this list for being so spookily literal. One of the most malefic configurations on 9/11 was the then-ongoing Saturn in Gemini opposite Pluto in Sagittarius transit. The symbolism could not have been clearer. Gemini is the sign of the Twins right? And it was the Twin Towers that got hit, two Saturnian concrete and steel structures. Saturn in Gemini. They were hit by planes hijacked by religious extremists from a faraway land. Well, that about covers the death, destruction and extremism part of Pluto, and the mode of transport, element of religion and faraway places from Sagittarius. Just. Whoa. But if you think that Sagittarius example is crazy, wait for #1…Actually don’t wait, just keep reading.

1) Butts

So the signs are said to rule over certain parts of the body. The head is ruled by Aries, and it goes all the way down to the feet being ruled by Pisces. Sagittarius more or less rules the legs, the thighs and the, well, buttocks. I mean, the sign also concerns going places, and the Archer after all is half a horse which has massive…legs.

andressa urachAndressa Urach is a Brazilian glamour model with an, erm, enhanced derriere. Kind of like a Brazilian Kim Kardashian.  On November 29th 2014, she was admitted to the hospital due to a life-threatening infection from plumpening injections in her legs which rotted her muscles. She was born on December 11th 1987 in Ijuí, Brazil (time unknown). Her Sun is in Sagittarius, conjunct Saturn and Uranus in Sagittarius. Over the course of her stay in the hospital, Saturn ingressed into Sagittarius, starting her Saturn Return. She actually risked losing a leg and one half of her behind. I bet if we had her birth time, these planets are probably somehow involved with her appearance and health. She said she felt she was being punished for her “stupid vanity”. Maybe someone should tell her it’s Saturn in Sagittarius.

I just can’t believe that right now, a former Miss BumBum contestant is having to change her whole life after having nearly lost it, because of an infection in her leg from trying to make her legs and butt bigger. After a life of pleasure as a glamor model and sex worker centered on her hindquarters, she is now turning to religion to rebuild her life. (NSFW Daily Mail article about this.) Could any of this be any more Saturn in Sagittarius? I mean. COME ON. IT WAS EVEN ABOUT HER BUTT. LITERALLY. I CAN’T EVEN.

Or as you’re probably saying, “Well, duh”.

10 thoughts on “10 Times Astrology Was So Literal You Couldn’t Even”

  1. For the gay marriage one don’t forget that Jupiter was also trine Uranus exact in Aries. Hence the approval (Jupiter) of unconventional (Uranus) love (Venus) was a sudden decision out of nowhere (Uranus in Aries).

  2. A few observations about the NRA chart… The Mars/Saturn just happens to be on Facies, the Fixed Star of the old warhorse, associated with the following: Blindness, violent death, sickness, accidents, broken limbs; leadership, war, coldness, detachment, perfectionism; earthquakes; pure combative energies; adventure, risk-taking, glamour; fulfilment through charitable works. I think this adds another layer of literality to the chart.

    Jupiter, the ruler of projectile weapons, conjuncts Uranus, ruler of gunpowder, so there’s another layer of literality. Jupiter is hypercritical at 29,54 Cancer, sign of nations, hence, we get the National in the NRA. Of course, Jupiter is very strongly placed here, so of course the NRA is a highly influential organization. Of course, the Uranus conjunction gives the Association a strong group identity as well. Oh, and Uranus in Fire, conjuncting a huge Fire planet, means burning a lot of gunpowder. Now, oppose these to the Moon in Aqua, you just get more nationality, more group identity, more association and a greater need to burn more gunpowder.

    Just how literal can a chart be?

  3. Here’s a good one about the 9/11 chart… Mercury, the ruler of news, was on the AC, and indeed, this was one of the most epic newsdays of the Millennium. Volumes have been written about the 9/11 and more will be written. With Mercury/AC neatly trine Saturn, the day became unforgettable, historic, even iconic. Mercury trine Saturn also looks like there’s an official truth dominating the discussion, but with Saturn in Gemini, a lot of people seem to believe there’s another truth behind the truth. Pluto opposing that Saturn and sextile to Mercury, guarantees there’s no end to the conspiracy theories about the attack. Now, which Fixed Star might that Mercury/AC be on? That’s Algorab, associated with these goodies: Scavenging, destructiveness, repulsiveness, malevolence, fiendishness and lying, suicide, greed, injuries. Yes, the attack was destructive, repulsive, malevolent, fiendish, suicidal, injurious, it targeted a building associated with greed and a lot of people seem to believe they’re being lied to about it. Some of the conspiracy theorists seem to be scavenging on the carcass still today. The military industrial complex is doing the same. How much more literal can you get?

    Mars, ruler of attacks, by the way, was Nodal, in Cap, opposing the Moon, which also was Nodal, resulting in the destruction of sturdy buildings by impact and fire. Mars was on Spiculum: Eye trouble, blindness, depression, hopelessly doomed, morbid religious outlook, no concern for human life; a nebula in the upper part of the Bow of the Archer. A lot of people were blinded by smoke and dust. Many are still depressed. The victims were hopelessly doomed, by people who had no concern for human life and who were proud to have a morbid religious outlook. BANG!

    Jupiter, the ruler of aviation, was on the MC. Jupiter’s placement is extremely interesting, on Alzirr: Hunting, besieging towns, the revenge of princes, trouble, disgrace, sickness, loss of fortune, affliction, danger to knees. Yes, a lot of knees were broken that day, there was no end to affliction, fortunes were lost, sickness still troubles many of the survivors and rescuers, the perpetrators disgraced themselves while disgracing the US, there was no end to trouble and revenge was meted out in princely measure all over the Middle East. Of course, towns such as Fallujah were besieged in the aftermath and in the aftermath of the aftermath, a lot of towns are currently under siege all over the Middle East. As for hunting, this attack marked the beginning of the age of the UAV, which is the weapon of choice of the Cancerian US, while hunting terrorists. It’s a highly Jovian thing that flies by itself and fires Hellfire missiles.

    Pluto is neatly inconjunct Jupiter, God forbid, in the sign of Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter, so of course aircraft just had to be used by terrorists. Pluto was on Rastaban: The Dragon’s Eye. Impulsive, honourable, good for astrology, government, writing, sports, finance, the arts, accidents, wounds, blindness, criminality. OK, accidents wounds, blindness and criminality were sort of on the menu, weren’t they? The attack struck a place of finance and volumes have been written. The attackers thought they were doing the honorable thing and by so doing, accidentally triggered an impulsive reaction that still continues. As for astrology, this chart is an astrological cornucopia, Isn’t it? Centuries from now, it’ll be used as a textbook example of just how literal astrology can be.

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